Parenting: Discipline is Essential
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Parenting: Discipline is Essential |
Parenting: Discipline is Essential - A new book by Dr. Shefali Tsabary, was recently released. Here are our thoughts after reading the advanced copy of Out of Control – Why Disciplining Your Child Doesn’t Work – And What Will. Getting rid of discipline is a very provocative premise. The title of this book will generate publicity. While there are many helpful ideas contained within this work, our concern is the damage that this well-meaning author can do when people don’t actually read her content and just work from the title.
In Chapter One, Dr Tsabary writes,
Originally the word “discipline” had a benign meaning,associated with education and training. But ask any parent today about discipline and they assume you are talking about a strategy to control a child’s behavior—a strategy that revolves around the parent exerting their will over the child. Parents actually ponder the question, “What can I take away from my child that my child particularly enjoys, so they’ll get the message?”
This definition of “Discipline” is where things start to slide down a slippery slope. What Dr. Tsabary seems to be discussing is punishment – making kids feel bad so that they don’t repeat misbehaviour.
Discipline in a family has nothing to do with controlling – in fact it is the exact opposite. Control is about reacting in the moment and punishing children.
At Parenting Power, we define Discipline by the root word (disciple) which is based on teaching and learning. Discipline means taking time as a parent, to teach new behaviours, through consistent dialogue and presence; setting your kids up for success. IF you don’t have that, your kids aren’t learning.
We can’t assume that kids will just figure it out on their own with no help from Mom and Dad. Someone needs to teach them values, what’s right and wrong, especially with the prevalence of social media in their lives today. If we are not willing to teach (discipline) our kids, then they are going to learn values and behaviours somewhere else.
Whether toddlers biting a sibling, a youngster babbling through a concert, or teens vandalizing a property, our kids need to learn that these behaviours are unacceptable and what to do instead. Learning requires discipline – not punishment or shame, blame and control, but discipline.